It’s been a little while now since I’ve sat down and written. I’ve been mulling a few things over. I’ve been hitting the weights, doing my cardio and keeping up with my friend about staying with it. Yet something has been getting at me.
Some weeks ago, while I was working out at the gym, a couple of high schoolers were there. They came in towards the end of my workout. I watched them for a little bit. I saw that they were doing stretches a bit awkward and some wrong. I then observed them try to do an incline press and were struggling with it. Their form was off and they obviously were using to much weight. The same was true with the bench press. As I finished working out, another member came in whom I have a small acquaintance with. Though tired, exhausted and wanting to go home and shower, I tried to nicely explain to the high schoolers that they needed to better work on form and how much weight to lift, as well as where to start. They looked at me blankly and I felt like a schlub. But I truly felt a nudge to talk to them. I truly did.
The next day, I bumped into the acquaintance who had watched the exchange. I explained to him that schlub feeling. But he gave me encouragement. He explained that they needed some guidance in working out.
I knew form experience what can happen with poor form and too much weight. And it hurts. I truly felt led to talk to these high schoolers though what I said I’m not sure stuck nor was accepted.
Fast forward a couple of weeks. I learned that someone I knew in the Chicagoland area had died form a bad (and somewhat dumb) accident. I felt horrible. What is worse is the fact that I felt guilty for not talking to him about my faith. I wasn’t sure where he was spiritually. For over a year, he and I shot the breeze. We talked sports, politics, and other guy stuff. Yet I never spoke to him about my faith, about Christ, or eternal life. And now he’s dead. I don’t know where he’s at and it bothers me.
When I do evangelism training, I talk about following the leading of the Holy Spirit. I felt a nudge to speak to those high schoolers about weight lifting, which I truly believe was the prompting of the Spirit. Yet I never felt a nudge, a twitch or even a full kick to the bum to speak to my friend who now has passed. What gives? It bothers me and I don’t know how to fully process it.
I speak of spiritual health and that we are fully human–mind body and soul. All three are connected. And I know it is not up to me who listens and who doesn’t. And I know that it is up to the leading of the Holy Spirit to move in order to speak. Yet I wonder, why didn’t I feel the leading of the Spirit for my friend who has passed yet I did for high schoolers whom I feel blew me off? Why, I don’t know.
I will still listen, I will still follow. I will still lift and I will still try to talk when prompted. Yet I may never truly nor fully know why I’m not prompted to speak and other times I am.