Being a Man of God–Toxic Fear

There’s a secret out there about men. It’s an open secret that men really don’t like talking about or mentioning. It’s a secret that many men just don’t want to be let known. In fact, it’s so well protected yet known that men will do almost anything not to talk about it whatsoever. 

The secret is this: Men are afraid. 

Men don’t like talking about it. Fear is strong. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. And hate leads to a strong toxicity (the geeks out there were thinking I was gonna say that hate leads to the dark side). Much of toxicity out there in men is rooted in fear. Fear of lack of control in life. Fear of failure. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of falling in love. Fear of fathers. Fear of pain. So much fear is out there that men just don’t know what to do. And so this fear becomes anger. And anger becomes hatred for all things that men are afraid of. And this becomes very toxic. 

The toxic man is a man who is afraid. Afraid of many things in life. 

A prime example of this is of King Saul as found in the Bible. In the book of First Samuel, Saul is crowned king. He is seen as the prime example of a manly man of the Ancient Near East. He was tall. He was very handsome. He was strong. He was the first born of his tribe. He was from a good family. He was savvy. He had it all. He exuded masculinity from his very pores. And then God sent His Spirit upon Saul and Saul became a man who spoke God’s Word to others that people thought Saul was amongst the prophets of God. 

The problem is, is that Saul was afraid. 

Saul was shown the power of God. He was shown that God was in control. He was shown through the prophet Samuel that God would lead Saul to where he needed to go as king of all of Israel. 

Saul had it all—money, power, women, prestige all by the time he was 30 years old. Yet Saul was afraid. He was afraid of failure. He was afraid of lack of control. He was afraid of losing all he had. He was even afraid of his own soldiers whom he commanded. 

Saul was fighting the sworn enemies of Israel, the Philistines, and all he had to do to win was trust in God and wait until Samuel arrived to make a sacrifice to God. And then God would give Saul and all of Israel victory in the battle. All Saul had to do was trust in God. Saul was waiting and waiting for Samuel to show up. He waited and waited. God wasn’t acting. God hadn’t sent Samuel yet to speak to Saul and help him make the sacrifice to God and worship God. The soldiers under Saul started to grumble and Saul became afraid due to lack of control. Saul couldn’t control God, he couldn’t control Samuel, and he couldn’t even control his own soldiers. So he acted without Samuel. He acted out of fear and turned away from God. 

This caused a lot of problems. 

Saul’s fear led to him rebelling against God. This led to God removing Saul as king. Because of Saul’s fear, Israel paid the price. The battle lost, the soldiers died, it was a cluster. 

Years later, after the prophet Samuel died, Saul was again in a battle against the Philistines. God was silent to Saul. Saul was afraid. He lacked control. He lacked power. He lacked prestige. He was afraid. In his fear, he tried to control even the dead. He consulted a medium spiritist to summon Samuel to give him advice. This went directly against God’s Word, against Torah. And it royally ticked off Samuel who was happy being dead. 

Saul died in battle the next day. In his fear of being killed and his fear of no control, he fell on his own sword and died. 

Saul was toxic. 

In his fear he became angry. In his anger, he hated. In his hatred, he became toxic and harmed all those around him and he left God. God regretted making Saul king. Saul even pained God. 

In a man’s attempt to not show fear, men like me do all we can to control our world around us. Men harm others in our attempt to not be afraid. If we can just control something, if we can just do something, if we can just fix it, then, then we won’t be afraid. 

Yet fear is part of being a man. Fear is part of life. 

The night that Jesus was betrayed by Judas he spent time with his friends, the disciples. Even Judas the betrayer was there. There was a lot going on. There was a lot happening. Just before he was arrested, Jesus said this to the disciples:

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubles, do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

And

“In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Jesus, the ultimate man of God, calls all of us not to fear, not to be afraid. In our fear, He brings peace. He gives a peace that passes all understanding and guards our hearts and minds in Him.

A Man of God feels his fear. A Man of God admits His fear. A Man of God leans on Jesus in His fear. In doing so, fear does not lead to anger, anger does not lead to hate, and hate begins to heal toxicity. 

Where the Toxic Man hurts others in his fear, a Man of God moves forward in living out a life in fear, trusting in God through Jesus, accepting that he is not in control, God is. A Man of God strives to live the peace of Jesus.

But what next? How does a man be a Man of God?

Stay tuned

Being a Man of God–What’s a man?

Some time back, someone stated to me in a conversation about why there aren’t more men in church: “I’m getting frustrated with the feminization of men in the church today.” I briefly scratched my head and thought about that for a bit, filed it away, and changed the subject. It didn’t sit right with me. Something was wrong with that. I couldn’t put my finger on it at that moment, but it’s been on the back burner slowly simmering since. 

What does it mean to be a man in the church today? 

What does it mean to be masculine rather than feminine in the church today?

How do we see masculine and feminine in the first place? 

Too many questions thoughts here to tackle and wrestle with on this blog in just one post to say the least. 

Image from Cosmic Flotsam

As that statement sat in the back seat, quiet but humming loudly for a while, I started reading through the Book of Samuel in the Old Testament. The Book of Samuel is broken up into two sections (1^st and 2^nd Samuel…original, I know). To top it off (spoiler alert), Samuel (the book’s name sake) dies towards the end of the first half. The majority of the Book of Samuel is about how the King of Israel, Saul, first against the ordained successor to the throne, David. It’s also a battle between being a Man of God and being a Toxic Man. 

Saul is introduced towards the beginning of 1 Samuel. The people of Israel wanted a king like all the other nations had. They wanted a hero to fight their battles for them. They wanted one who could command armies and lead them with strength and power. They wanted a hero who was strong, fast, sure, someone larger than life. And this was Saul…or so it was thought.

Saul looked like a king. He was tall. He was strong. He could fight. He was a manly man. He was chosen by God because Saul exemplified everything people thought a man should be like in the culture and time period all this took place in. He matched it all. He exuded masculinity and leadership and kingliness.  

Saul was lacking one thing and it grieved God. 

Saul did not trust in God. 

Saul trusted in himself. He trusted in what he could do. He trusted in his own power. He trusted in his military power. He trusted in his army. He was called by God, through Samuel the prophet, the spokesperson of God, to trust and obey God’s Word and direction.

All Saul had to do was to wait on God to act. God promised to fight Saul’s battles. God promised to make Saul succeed. And when the chips were down, when he was afraid, when he didn’t know what to do, when he couldn’t hear God’s voice, he rejected God’s Word and did his own thing. He disobeyed God. He tried to do things in accordance to his own wants and desires and not God’s. In doing so, God was grieved. In doing so, God took the kingdom, the role as king, away from Saul and gave it to another. 

It all came down to David. 

David was the youngest of eight children. He was okay looking, short, tended to the sheep and so was messy and unkept most the time, and just didn’t match what others thought a king should look like or be like. Even the prophet Samuel questioned God’s choice of David as being the next king of Israel. He just didn’t match up. He just didn’t make sense. Then God stated this to Samuel: 

“The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

David is not the manly man that Saul seemed to be. David wasn’t tall and strong. David wasn’t a mighty warrior but a shepherd who only fought off lions and bears not soldiers. David was not a warrior. He was a pipsqueak. He couldn’t even wear the right armor or carry a sword. He didn’t seem like he could lead anyone save for sheep. Yet God chose him. God later calls him a man after His own heart. 

David did not match the culture’s concept of masculinity. He wasn’t who people thought should lead. The people wanted a king like the other nations, not a shepherd. They wanted strength, not humility. They wanted a warrior not a lowly shepherd boy. It made no sense to have him be the one chosen by God to lead. It made sense to choose Saul not David. 

The difference between Saul and David? 

David trusted in God.  

David followed God’s Word. 

David listened to God’s directions.

David was obedient to God. 

It’s hard today to say what’s masculine and what’s feminine. Things are so topsy turvy today. Looking at who David was and described in 1 Samuel 16, he wouldn’t be a cover model for Men’s Health magazine. God doesn’t see things that way as we do today. 

In truth, in seeking what it means to be a Man of God today, we need to seek what it means to be obedient to God, to follow His Word, to follow Jesus. 

David was a man of God. Saul was a Toxic Man. 

Saul’s masculinity harmed others. Saul’s desire to rule overpowered his call to serve others as a leader. Saul’s toxicity led to controlling others in the name of God. Saul’s toxicity led to harming not just himself, but his family, his army, and in truth, the whole nation and people of God all together. 

David, as a Man of God, served his soldiers. David led with a servant’s heart. He inquired of God when the chips were down. He sought God’s leading when things went well. David, as the Man of God, stepped up and spoke up and protected the weak, the oppressed, the needy. As a Man of God, David was used to bless the nation as a whole. Yes, David wasn’t perfect and did do some horrible things (which will be looked at later in other posts), yet he also constantly sought God and served others as a shepherd not a king. 

Is there feminization of men in the church today? Some would’ve looked at David and thought so. God sees the heart, not the outward things people see. God sees who the person is not how culture today sees men. 

This needs more exploring. Stay tuned. 

Hearing the Silent No

Photo by Josh Benton

In the night, dark and the light so obscure that it feels like there is no actual light at all there is heard the silent “no.” Saint John of the Cross, a 16^th century Christian mystic, writes of the “Dark Night of the Soul.” It isn’t that in the darkness one cannon feel, taste, smell, see things around them, but that it is dark and life obscured by the lack of light. The Dark Night of the Soul is when these senses do not sense the presence of God. There is something obscuring the connection of the Divine, to God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. And in these times of not sensing, in these times of silence, there is heard the silent “no.”

But why do we hear a silent “no”? 

In His teaching on prayer, Jesus clearly says we are to ask, seek, knock and we will be answered with what we asked for.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Luke 11;9-10)

Jesus says in John:

“If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” (John 15:7)

So why is there a silent “no”?

Why?

We are to come to God the Father in prayer in Jesus’ name asking for what we deeply desire and need. 

The Heidelberg Catechism in Lord’s Day 46 Questions and Answer 120 says that just as our fathers on earth do not refuse us the things in life; “God our Father will even less refuse to give us what we ask in faith.”

Peter writes:

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promises, as some understand slowness” (2 Peter 3:9)

Paul writes:

“For no matter how many promises God has made, they are ‘Yes’ in Christ.” (2 Corinthians 1:20)

So why is there a “no,” let alone a silent “no”?

James observes:

“You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives…” (James 4:2-3)

We love to get a “yes” to our prayers. We are patient when God answers our prayers with a “wait.” And when we hear an actual “no,” we complain but accept (usually) God’s answer.

But what about the silent “no” when all we hear is nothing but silence. 

The sound of silence is deafening at times. It becomes the darkness of night, the dark night of the soul. We start to say, with Simon and Garfunkel, “Hello Darkness, my old friend/I’ve come to talk with you again.” The darkness creeps in, planting seeds of a lack of light in our hearts, dampening our senses, and we cry out in the dark to a God who answers with a silent “no.”

And it hurts. 

It hurts so much. 

And we cry out with King David, searching for God in the dark

“I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.” (Psalm 63:1)

It’s hard to not even hear a “no” from God but instead see the thing we so wanted slip from our fingers. It’s hard and hurts so much, the ache and pain in the soul stings, when we see what we so wanted, begged God for, not happen. Or, to have the opposite happen and we lose what we wanted to begin with. 

In the Dark Night of the Soul there is the silent “no” from God. It isn’t that He is not present. It isn’t that He does not care. 

David describes dealing with his dark night as such:

“On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your right hand upholds me.” (Psalm 63:6-8)

There is nothing to wrap up things. There is no nice bow. There is no advice. There is just the sound of silence. God is present. Even in the dark where the light cannot be seen. Yet the darkness hurts and hearing the silent “not” aches the soul. And God weeps with those weeping in the Dark Night of the Soul

Wine and Bread

“So how come bread and wine aren’t found in the wild?” Someone asked me some time back. They continued: “If you’re supposed to eat bread and drink wine for your sacrament, how come God didn’t provide you with actual bread and wine in the wild to do so?”

From Google Images

This got me to thinking. They were kinda right about that, really. How come bread comes from grain and wine from grapes. If we, as Christians, are to use bread and wine as a Sacrament for the Lord’s Supper, why wasn’t it provided for in the wild. More so, why didn’t God outright teach someone how to make bread and wine? Making bread and wine is hard work but you find bread and wine throughout the Bible. 

I started to wonder about this and went back to what is called the Fall, when Adam and Eve pushed God away and decided to become like God, knowing good and evil (Genesis 3). Nowhere does God say how to make bread. In fact, he instead creates garments for them out of animal skins to protect them and care for them. He tells Adam that by the sweat of his brow he’ll tend the earth and struggle for food but God doesn’t teach Adam how. 

In Genesis 4 we read of Cain and Able. Cain tilled the soil and Abel kept flocks. Cain gave his least to God whereas Able gave his choice animals as sacrifice to God. How’d they know that? How’d they learn to till the soil or tend to flocks and herds of livestock or even how or why to offer sacrifices to God? 

And then I began to think about bread and wine all the more. You need the elements for both. Making bread from scratch is hard—I know because I’ve done it. Thankfully I didn’t have to mill the grain myself but bought it from the local grocery store. And I didn’t have to cultivate yeast but bought it as well. But still, it took time. It took energy. It took waiting and then baking and waiting some more. Same with grapes turning into wine. It takes time for wine to ferment. How’d they know to ferment squished grapes? Why grapes and not a different fruit? Yet these two run throughout the Bible. 

Fast forwards to the Book of Exodus and Moses telling Pharaoh to “Let my people go!” After Pharaoh did let the People of Israel go, they wandered in the wilderness for 40 years. God provided manna, bread from heaven, daily. The People of Israel went from brick makers in Egypt to soldiers in the Wilderness, to being turned into farmers and shepherds in the Promised Land. They had to learn the skills of baking bread and making wine. They learned badly. But still they made bread and wine. 

Daily bread is hard to make. It’s easier when manna falls from heaven because you have just what you need for that day. I’ve made naan (Middle Eastern bread) in the past. That takes time. And I’m using modern equipment. Imagine how it was then. Imagine in the days of the People of Israel what it was like to make bread then. Imagine it during the days of Greek and Rome when Jesus walked the earth and said, in what is known as The Sermon on the Mount, to pray for our Daily Bread. 

Daily bead. 

Each day bread had to be made. Grain was milled and refined. Yeast was cultivated. Ingredients bought or grown or both. And when fresh bread wasn’t eaten or used, a day or so later it became stale. Useless. 

And wine. Jesus uses wine many times as examples. He states that no one puts new wine into old wine skins. The fermentation process causes gas to be created which expands the skin used to ferment the wine. An old wine skin would burst from that because it was, well, old. Jesus uses this as an example on what is to come. Wine takes time to be made. New wine is more potent than old wine, tastes better, sits better, and makes you drunk quicker. All of this was known during Jesus’ day. 

Then it all comes together at the Lord’s Supper.

On the night that he was betrayed, Jesus took the bread they were eating and broke it saying “Take eat”…“This is my body given for your; do this in remembrance of me” (Matthew 26:26; Luke 22:19). After they, the disciples and Jesus, had eaten, Jesus took the wine and said “Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins” (Matthew 26:27).

Wine and Bread.

From Google Images

Why aren’t they found in the wild? Why are they used in communion, in the Lord’s Supper, a sacrament given by Jesus himself? 

Recently we had communion at the church I’m attend. The pastor said something that struck me. It was something akin to: “As the wheat is gathered from many fields and the grapes gathered from many hills, so You, Lord, gather us to Your table.” 

Dude.

It struck me then what it meant. It takes work and time to make bread and wine. It takes work and time to be a follower of Jesus. Yet God gathers His people from many fields and hills to create this wonderful combination that is found when we approach the table at the Lord’s Supper. We become and are reminded and are united as one in Jesus. The church is called to be the Body of Christ on earth. And so, when we come to the table of the Lord’s Supper, we who are from many places become one again. We are re-membered as the Body of Christ, we are united with all believers from the moment Jesus instituted the Lord’s Supper until the day He comes again in His fullness and glory. 

God didn’t create bread and wine to be found in the wild. Yet He uses it to bind us together. We are bound in Christ by His work and His time, by His sacrifice on the cross. As the bread and wine are gathered together and made into one, so are we believers in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. 

Birthright for Nothin’ and Bread’s for Free

Dire Straits is a British rock band that was around from the late 1970’s to the mid 1990’s with a small break in between. One of their top songs was “Money for Nothin’.” I remember as a kid when we actually got cable, sneaking into the living room and turning on MTV and seeing the music video for this song. I remember clearly getting caught by my mom watching MTV and this song’s music video came on. Instead of chastising me and turning off the TV, my mom watched it with me and then started to have a discussion about irony, parody, and sarcasm. It helps that during that time, she was going back to school earning a degree in English. 

“Money for Nothin’” tells the first-hand account of an appliance store employee seeing the scam in being a rock star. They get a blister on their little finger, they might get a blister on their thumb. All they do is play music and walk around on music videos on MTV. That’s a good scam for sure. Of course, the song also uses crass and unneeded language that even the original composer has changed over the years. Yet the overall idea of a song from the point of view of a hard-working appliance store employee and the accompanying music video was different than what had been around during the mid 1980’s. A rock band making fun of not only themselves and then playing a music video on the platform they are lampooning? Brilliant!

Screen shot from YouTube video

So…where’s this all going? 

Over the last while I’ve been doing my devotions through Genesis. Recently, I came across the account of two brothers, two children of the promise of God, battling one another. If know your Bible then you know the story of Jacob and Esau, the stew and the birthright. If you don’t know, or if you kinda remember but want it explained for those who don’t know, hold on a second:

The battling brothers goes back to their grandfather Abraham. Abraham was in his 70’s and childless when God spoke to him and told him to leave all he knew behind and go to a land God will show him. Not just that, but God promised old Abraham that he would be a great nation even though he was childless with his wife Sarah. Yet Abraham believed and it was accounted to him as righteousness. About 25 years later, his elderly wife Sarah gave birth to a child name Isaac. The child of a promise of God. Then Isaac was married and later in life he had twin boys who even in the womb of Rebekah, Isaac’s wife, they struggled—Jacob and Esau. Esau was born first with Jacob grasping the heal of Esau. Both grandchildren of the promise of God to Abraham. 

Then there’s the account of the stew and the birthright. Since technically Esau was born first, he was the first born and had the birthright and role of the first born in the Ancient Near Eastern society. He was the bigshot. And boy howdy was he a manly man. Big, red, and hairy. He loved hunting and being outside. A real John Wayne sorrta guy. Jacob on the other hand hung around the tents. He cooked. In the Ancient Near Eastern society of the time, he was doing the women’s work and didn’t act like a real man. 

Esau comes in hungry after hunting. He’s famished and a little over dramatic. Jacob is cooking, again, (not to be sexist but this is how the culture of the time was) doing women’s work by cooking. Esau was hungry, Jacob was cooking stew, and Jacob saw an opportunity (by the way, Jacob also is related to the Hebrew idiom of grasping the heal or one who deceives). 

And so, famished Esau, who is soooo hungry he’s about to die, begs for the stew that Jacob is cooking. Jacob says “sure, for your birthright.” In his haste and focusing on the now, Esau sells his birthright for some stew. Red stew. Red lentil stew. 

And Jacob’s nice and serves Esau the stew and tosses in some fresh bread while he’s at it.

Jacob knew what he was doing. Esau, not so much. Jacob took an opportunity to his advantage. He wasn’t the manly man like Esau. He wasn’t the John Wayne type. He was weak and smoothed skinned while Esau was big and burly. Yet it is through the conniving hijinks of Jacob that God fulfills His promise to Abraham with Jacob. Jacob the trickster. Jacob the heal grabber. Not the type that a great nation which will bless the whole world would come from.

Looking at this account and not fully knowing the whole story, you’d think “Wow, Jacob’s a jerk.” Well, yeah, he kinda was. Looking at this account through the eyes of the whole Bible you see that God can use who He wishes when He wishes to do what He wishes to bless the whole world. God uses the good and the bad, the weird and the plain, to fulfill His plan to redeem and restore all creation. 

Looking back at the song by Dire Straits, I wonder…Jacob got a birthright for nothin’ and gave Esau the bread for free. In the Ancient Near Eastern time a birthright meant so much. It was life. It meant being taken care of. It also meant control and leadership of the whole family business and running the family itself when dad died. And Jacob got it for nothin’. Esau though got bread for free.

Screen shot from YouTube video

Looking over this account, two things come to mind: How often do we discount what God is doing through jerks and how often are we so self-focused that we are willing to sell out something great for something here and now?

God can use jerks. He’s done it in the past. Even though people abuse the power given to them in heinous ways, God can still use it for His glory. God used Jacob to have twelve sons who then became the twelve tribes of Israel. From one of those tribes came King David. From the line of King David came Jesus. And from Jesus came the Kingdom of God. 

At the same time, we’re too focused on the here and now not to look at the long game. The Kingdom of God came when Jesus died on the cross, brining salvation and the ability to reflect the Kingdom of God here and now. And not just that though, but the Kingdom of God will be fully established when Jesus comes back again in His fullness and glory and majesty. Yet don’t focus on it. Why? The here and now takes our attention away. The here and now is the stew. We want it all and we want it now. And we are willing to give things up in order to get it all now.

The Kingdom of God is bigger than a bowl of stew. 

The Kingdom of God is bigger than the here and now.

The Kingdom of God is right here and right now. Do we see it? Are we living it? Or are we focused so much on what we want that we’re willing to not see it or live it out in Jesus because of something simple as stew? 

The Foreigner Residing Among You

It was hot. Hot for early May in Michigan. Just hot in general. I had recently hurt my knee and had started physical therapy. I hurt and it was hot. With the cool of the AC on in the car, I was parked in the driveway of our house, sitting and in pain. It was then I noticed in my rearview mirror a man of most likely Hispanic origin walking down the street. I felt bad for noticing. I had grown up in Southern California. This shouldn’t be new to me. But in my lily white neighborhood, I knew that he might be mistreated or seen in the wrong light. The man was wearing long blue jeans, a dirty white t-shirt, and carrying a bag over his shoulder. 

Then he stopped.

My neighbor across the street from me, whom I’ve never met before, was working in her yard. I sat in the AC of the car parked in the driveway watching an exchange between them, words I couldn’t hear. But the feelings I felt. She looked nervous. The man’s back was to me and I could tell he was standing in an awkward situation. 

Nothing looked good. 

I slowly got out of the car, out of the AC, and walked with a slight limp across the street. My neighbor was slowly speaking to the man in short phrases. This couldn’t be good. 

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know,” said my neighbor to the man as I approached. 

“Hi!” I exclaimed trying to break the nervous energy. 

“He’s trying to get to Burton and Division…I think,” my neighbor stated, pointing to the man who looked way to uncomfortable. 

“Dude…that’s a long way from here…that’s near downtown Grand Rapids.” He looked at me and tried to read me. Was I safe?

He started to tell me using broken English that he wanted to get to Burton and Division to catch a ride to the airport. From what I understood, he had been working nearby and needed to catch a flight top Miami. 

I thought for a moment. I had learned my Spanish from the vottos, the gangbangers, back in the 90’s. If I started to speak, my accent would give me away. He looked desperate. 

“There’s no bus here that’ll take you there. Can you get an Uber?” I tried. He shook his head “no.”

He took out his wallet “I have money,” he said. My neighbor looked way nervous, like 5 minutes before frantically calling the police for no reason nervous. 

In very broken English, I started to ask where and why he was going to Miami. His eyes lit up. He caught my accent. 

“My meija,” he said. His daughter. 

Both of us in broken English and broken Spanish started to talk. He wanted to at least find a gas station or something to make a call. His phone wasn’t working. I slowly started to give directions in Spanish and pointing him to the gas station. 

I then cussed in Spanish because I messed up. He repeated the word and laughed. 

My neighbor thought of the idea of drawing a map. Sure, why not. She grabbed paper and a pencil. She suggested he try the police to make a call and get a ride. 

Not gonna happen. 

I drew a map and in broken Spanish gave directions to the closest gas station. He thanked me in both Spanish and English and walked away. 

“Thank you so much,” my neighbor whom I’d never met until today said to me. “I didn’t know what to do.” 

We chatted for a short bit and then I limped back home, feeling guilty. I could’ve done more. My knee hurt. I didn’t know him. He needed a ride. I could’ve given him a ride in a car with AC. I could’ve done more. I didn’t. I felt like I had to protect him against my neighbor I had just met. I have lived on this street for nine years, she for two. This is the first time we talked. I hurt. My knee and my spirit, they hurt. 

Later that day, the words from Leviticus came to my mind:

“When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself…” (Leviticus 19:33-34)

I didn’t do that. 

I failed him. 

I wanted to protect him from getting hurt.

Instead of treating him as my own, I didn’t do more. I could’ve done more. 

Over a month later, this still haunts me. 

As a follower of Christ, I am to love my neighbor as myself. I am to treat all as image bearers of God—with respect and dignity. I feel like I mistreated this man. I didn’t help him as I should’ve. I can easily make excuses: I didn’t know him so giving a ride to downtown Grand Rapids would’ve been unsafe; I have a bum knee and it would’ve made things worse; I shouldn’t put myself in danger…and the excuses go on. 

Yet this man, this “foreigner among residing among” needed help. I tried to balance. I tried…did I fail?

The Future Past Present Perfect Tense

It was the summer of 1998, a hot and sunny southern Californian evening. I was to fly out to some place called Grand Rapids, MI, a place I’d never heard of until recently, a place I’d never been to before. I was headed to Calvin College to continue my education. It’d been three years since I’d graduated high school, three years of having fun at community college, but now I was on for a new adventure. 

Photo by Josh Benton. This is the last time I saw my grandma, June of 2011

It was a tearful time. Sitting there in my grandparents’ mobile home, TV tray in front of me, plate filled with my grandma’s fried chicken (my favorite of her meals she’d cook). The next day I’d fly out to Grand Rapids. The next day I was about to start a new chapter in my life. The next day would be the beginning of a 20 plus year journey in following God’s leading. I didn’t know that at that time. If I had, I probably wouldn’t have given up my grandmother’s fried chicken to go to some place called Grand Rapids in a state that had snow.

But my grandma knew something was up. 

She knew my life was to be forever changed. She knew that I wouldn’t see her again for months. She knew that something would be different in my when I came back. I had spent years working at her and my grandpa’s store. I had spent years learning from her about life, work, faith, puns, and sarcasm. She knew things would be forever changed. She had wit and wisdom and I lacked both.

That clear Californian night as I ate my last meal with my grandparents for a while, it was quiet yet filled with love. We talked. We joked. We watched the news. They complained. Nothing celebratory at all; only being present with each other. 

As I said my goodbyes to go, my grandma hugged me tight. I felt her tears on my cheek. Her wrinkled eyes, crows feet on the edges from years of laughter, were filled with tears of heartache, of joy for me, of knowing. I held her tight in the hug as well. I then said quietly to her the paraphrased words from Isaiah I had recently read:

“God says that he takes hold of our right hand and says ‘Do not fear, I will help you.”

My grandmother let her embrace of me go and fell into my arms crying. I didn’t know what to say. I just held her as she sobbed. She soon lifted her face and looked at me with those laughter induced crows-feet wrinkled eyes, filled now more with joy and remembrance than with tears. “That’s my favorite verse.” Her voice quivering yet excited. She walked into the kitchen (with a single wide mobile home that it was, the kitchen wasn’t very far nor big to walk to). She sat down at her table by the window and pulled out an old Bible, a Bible I wished I had asked for at her funeral. She flipped through the old yellowed pages, yellowed by age and cigarette smoke, and read to me those words from Isaiah:

“For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” (Isaiah 41:13)

Next to these words in the old Bible was written a date. I don’t now remember the date, nor was it a significance to me, but it was a date important to my grandma. She saw my look, and knowing things as she did, she knew my question. “I had a major surgery that day and read these words. God was with me that day and God will be with you as you go to Calvin.” 

Soon enough, I said my goodbyes one more time and headed home (no car so I walked about three miles at night home, but it was southern California in the1990’s so I was good). That night I was packed as best I could and the next day headed to a place I’d never seen before, a place I’d never been before, to do things I’d never done before. 

Photo by Josh Benton. This verse remembered in my Bible

Some 14 years went by, years of pain, years of joy, years of having fun conversations with my grandma over the phone, knowing she was praying for me. Knowing she was proud of me for wanting to now be a pastor. Proud that I was in the ministry. It was scary to get the words in late January of 2012 that she was ill and not doing well. We raced from South Dakota to California so I could read these words to her that were so dear at her bed side. Somewhere between Utah, Colorado, and sunrise, I learned that she had slipped the soiled bonds of earth to touch the face of Christ, entering into the gates of glory. These same words came to me that morning, watching the sunrise, knowing that she was now able to truly and completely have her God, her savior Christ, hold her by her right hand and she feared no more. 

There are times when time itself is not linear. It is a wibley-wobley-timey-wimey mess. We move between the future to the past to the present in moments of life. A simple Bible verse can bring back a slew of memories that will never go away. 

In Biblical Greek grammar there is the perfect tense. Something that happens in the past that stays true in the present affecting the speakers present and implications for the future. That is what life does sometimes. In its wibley-wobley-timey-wimey mess, there are events that happen in the past that affect the present so much that it makes the past come alive as if it is now and in the future. 

God’s promise in Isaiah 41 was true when it was first written as much as it was in the summer of 1998 and as much as it is today. It is a promise I hold fast to in trying times, not to be afraid because God, through Christ my savior, holds my right hand and says to not be afraid, for I am His. And so I step boldly intlo the unknown, knowing that though I don’t know always where I’m going, I know who is with me. 

Temple Communities

Where does God live?

This is a question I’ve asked and been asked in the past. God is the God of heaven and earth, the seas and all that is in them. But where might a God like that live? We have this image sometimes of God being distant and far away in some other realm all holy and far away and stuff like that. But is that where He actually lives?

Art by Josh Benton

In the book of Exodus, God instructs Moses to construct a Tent of Meeting also known as the Tabernacle. It was a portable worship center. It was to be carried by a select group of people known as the Levites who were led by priests. It was basically one gigantic camping tent where the people would carry with them as they walked through the wilderness for 40 years. God led the people of Israel out of Egypt and through the wilderness as a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. Each time the pillar of cloud would stop, the Levites and priests would stop and set up the Tabernacle and then the cloud would descend upon it and there Moses would meet with God and speak to Him as one might a friend. Seriously.

That’s where God would meet with Moses and instruct His people where they wold worship Him but that’s not where He lived per se. Throughout the book of Numbers, God would do this. He would lead the people in the wilderness as a pillar of cloud or fire and then stop. Each time He would meet with them and the people of Israel would worship God. This would also happen during the book of Joshua and when the people were supposed to enter into the Promised Land. In the book of Judges people did what was right in their own eyes and didn’t worship God at the Tabernacle. It was set up in the town of Shilo and people would go to other places to try to worship God but wouldn’t respond. His Tabernacle was in Shilo but not His presence.

King David brought the Ark of the Covenant and the Tabernacle into Jerusalem but did so dancing and singing and not as God had commanded how the Tabernacle and he Ark of the Covenant was to be treated. And someone died. David wanted to build God a huge temple for God to live in but God didn’t want that at that time. King David’s son, Solomon was the one to build the temple to God. And when it was completed per God’s specifications, then God entered into it like a cloud as he did with the Tabernacle. God dwelt among His people as He did in the wilderness but he didn’t live there. God would meet with the priests and Levites and prophets at the temple but He didn’t live there.

Fast forward centuries. For a long time God was silent. He wasn’t in His temple meeting with His people. His people were scattered across the known world. A non-Jewish people, known as the Romans, occupies the Promised Land and God’s people were merely living in it. The temple had been destroyed in 586 BCE and then rebuilt but God’s presence was never described as entering it. Then we read something interesting in the Gospel of John:

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God…The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.” John 1:1, 14

Jesus is the Word. Now here’s the cool part. The Greek for “made his dwelling” is eskaynosen. It’s actually where we get the English word scene from. Back in Ancient Greek theater, they would paint backgrounds on material meant for tents. The word here is actually tenting. In the Greek translation of the Old Testament, the Septuagint, the word was used for the Tabernacle of God. In other words, Jesus came down like God did in the wilderness and tabernacled with us. Jesus is the dwelling place of God on earth made in the flesh.

Weird? Yes. But it gets better. Jesus lived. He taught. He taught about turning from living life against God’s word and living for God. Jesus was crucified and raised again and ascended to Heaven (where that’s at, we don’t know). Jesus, truly God, left. But we received a gift. God’s Holy Spirit. Also true God. A bit confusing, yes, but here’s the kicker: Whomever is a believer in Jesus is a dwelling place of the Holy Spirit.

Paul says this in 1 Corinthians 3:16

“Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?”

Rewind to the book of Numbers…God would dwell with His people in the wilderness when they would set up the Tabernacle…then fast forward to Solomon building the temple and God dwelled among His people…fast forward again to Jesus and that He came down and tabernacled with us. And now, now all who believe in Jesus are a temple to God where by His Spirit He dwells with them in their midsts.

Looking over this, all the “you’s” in 1 Corinthians 3:16 should be translated “all y’all” and not just “you.” Paul is talking to the church as a whole that is in Corinth (a city in Greece at that time). Believers of Jesus are temples of God. Believers of Jesus are to make up the church as a whole, the Church universal that is. We who are in the church are to be temple communities.

A temple community is where God promises to dwell and sends His Spirt to live with His people. The local church, the small church, the large church, all churches, are to be temple communities where God lives by His Spirit. The church, each church, is to act, live, be as a representative of God, of His presence in the community that surrounds each church.

Art by Josh Benton

You see, when God led Israel through the wilderness as a pillar of cloud and fire, it was for two reasons. The first was that the people of Israel would know that God was with them but also so the nations would know that God was there. The temple was built not just so that the people of Israel could worship God there but that all nations might one day come and worship God there. Jesus came and tabernacled with us not just for Israel but for all peoples to come to Him. As a temple community, it’s not for us but for all peoples.

As a temple community and as a dwelling place for the Spirit of God, we are not for ourselves but for all peoples, all nations to know Jesus, to know God and His grace and love found in Jesus.

Where does God live? He lives in the hearts of followers of Jesus. He lives in His temple in us.

“The LORD is in his holy temple; let all the earth be silent before him.” Habakkuk 2:20

What do you Worship?

After watching a Bears game, I started to wonder about what exactly is worship. Here’s a short video/vlog on my thoughts. Feel free to comment your thoughts below.

Together Again for the First Time

Screen shot from iPad Marvel Comics app

Back in the early 1990’s, Marvel did something interesting. In The Uncanny X-Men issue 268 (I forget the year) Marvel teamed up Captain America, Black Widow, and (my favorite mutant) Wolverine. It takes place in two different time period–World War II and the (then) present day. In the World War II story arc, Wolverine teams up with Captain America in the fictional city of Madripoor to save a little child. In the (then) present day story arc, Wolverine and Black Widow team up to fight bad guys that we learn are connected to the World War II story arc. (Sorry, but no spoilers here, you have to find the issue and read it to find out the rest)

Back in high school (yes, I’m getting older now) when I first read this issue, I was enamored with the art work, the story telling, and of course how awesome Wolverine is in any time period. The story, though, stuck with me. So much so that decades later when I was constantly buying comics off the Marvel app, I did a deep search for this specific issue and reread it. It still resonated with me. Why? I’m not sure. Maybe it’s the connections we make over the years that are important. Maybe it’s that one action in the past creates positive consequences and benefits in the future and present day. I asked my 7th grade daughter, who also loves comics, to read it and give me her insights on it. Her reaction: “The art was really good and different from the newer comics.” Her reaction wasn’t the same as mine. that bugged me.

I started thinking about this and came to a realization about myself and what it meant for God’s Kingdom. (Yes, I’m going there)

The World War II story arc is about saving a child. The (then) present day story arc was about how that child benefited from being saved. Through Captain America and Wolverine’s actions during World War II they brought hope and healing to someone. And in the (then) present day story arc, Wolverine was able to do so again.

This got me to thinking: What we do today in the name of Christ can have a huge ripple effect across the world. When I was a Sophomore in high school in big trouble, someone came and presented the Gospel message to me in such a way that made me turn my life around and start following Christ. Over the decades now I have done all I can t o faithfully serve Christ and help others as I had been helped. Looking back, I don’t always see the ripple I left but I have been told by others that I have made a difference in their life.

Reflecting on this particular issue of X-Men, I started thinking about God’s kingdom and what things might look like on the other side of glory.

To be honest, none of us knows what a kind word here, a loving deed there, a shoulder of grace to lean on at one time can do for someone and change their lives. These small actions can mean so much to someone that we might never know.

It makes me wonder what heaven might truly look like and who might be there.

Thinking about the other side of glory, I begin to wonder who might be there. Who might I be together with again for the first time there. What small action of mine for God’s Kingdom might influence someone else to the point where they too are part of God’s Kingdom and I, I never knew the part I played in it all.

In Matthew 25, Jesus tells the parable of the sheep and the goats. At the end time, God will separate people like sheeps from goats (don’t ask me how but we’ll look at the why shortly). The sheep on the right and the gots on the left. It might seem trivial as to why people are separated but then the King says that he was in need and was helped by those who were like sheep, placed on the right, they did so in the name of Christ. The king says to them;

“Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the lest of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” Matthew 25:40

Dude! The little things we do in the name of Christ add up and become ginormous.

Think about how we treat others in the name of Christ. Is it beneficial? Is it a blessing to them? Is it helping them grow? Is it giving to them a small but basic need to survive? All these things add up when we live out our lives for Christ in the small things that we do.

Reflecting on this, I really wonder who I’ll see on the other side of glory when Christ comes in His fullness and glory. I wonder how my actions in the name of Christ led to people coming to know Him more. I wonder what a kind word or action done in Christ’s name might led to later in someone else’s life. Who will I see? I don’t know. But I do know that we’ll be together again for the first time.